As an independent escort the majority of time I spend working on my business is actually reading and responding to appointment inquiries. Lately I am finding that no matter how clear I try to be on my ads or on my contact form, that I'm still receiving too many inquiries that totally disregard the information I have outlined that is necessary for me to receive in order to feel comfortable booking an appointment.
Today I want to talk about references and what they are and how they work in regards to sex work.
Why Do Some Escorts Request a Reference to Make a Booking?
In this industry, I would say that there are a few different types of ways some escorts go about for their bookings and wanted to go over them.
1. Some escorts (whether represented by an agency or independent) will NOT insist on a reference before making a booking but will still have their own personal way of screening.
2. Some escorts will ask for a reference IN LIEU of insisting on the potential client providing his full name and personal details to consider making a booking.
3. Some escorts will insist on BOTH a reference (sometimes even multiple) AND full name, work info and other personal details to consider making a booking.
What Do I Require From Potential Clients?
I like to offer 2 options to potential clients, they can either provide a reference from another REPUTABLE and known sex worker that they have seen recently (without disclosing and verifying their full real name), OR they can provide me with their full name and personal details and I will verify they are who they say they are.
Why Do I Need a Reference or Personal Details From Potential Clients?
I want to be as safe as I possibly can in this industry, and for me that means knowing that the person I am booking is more likely to be a good client than a bad one. Whether it is me inviting them over to my private incall, or visiting them at their hotel, I feel much more comfortable when I feel confident rather than apprehensive.
Many times we receive so many vague inquiries that we don't know who we're even talking to. We don't want to waste time dealing with someone who is underage, another escort playing games, an online troll messing with us, a "timewaster" who actually has no intention of booking, or a previously blacklisted client pretending to be someone new to see us again etc. I have PERSONALLY and sometimes repeatedly received new inquiries from the types of people I just mentioned. This is why it's crucial that I either receive a reference, or real personal information from potential clients to verify that they exist and are legitimate.
The sex industry isn't regulated in Canada and unfortunately escorts have to deal with a lot more strange or nefarious inquiries than say your local spa or salon who will book anyone who calls in.
What Exactly Happens When an Escort asks For a Reference?
If we are asking for a reference from you and you have seen another provider we are generally only confirming the following from that previous provider:
- Has she in fact seen you and does she remember you?
- Was the session something she would want to repeat in future?
Generally those 2 are the most important things that are assessed, but some providers may ask other questions should they feel the need for such as:
- Were you respectful and compliant with her boundaries?
- Were you hygienic?
- Did you pay promptly and willingly?
Some potential clients are concerned about providing references for whatever reason, and while I can appreciate that, I want to assure you that unless you did something seriously concerning in your session with a provider, it is unlikely to be mentioned at all. I can't imagine many clients providing a reference from someone if the session went badly either. We are not looking to delve into every aspect of your session or your quirks, we honestly don't have time for that.
If You Are Asked To Provide a Reference (and You Can Do So) What Should You Do?
#1. Ask the escort you have previously seen IN ADVANCE if she would be willing to provide a reference for you. (The only exception could be if you see a lady so frequently that you are a regular, this is less likely going to be an issue)
#2. ENSURE that the escort you are either providing a reference on behalf or, or asking for a reference from has actually seen you, and remembers you. (If you have a common name and booked with a first name only, please understand it can be hard to place someone if you booked only once or a long time ago.)
#3. Provide the website AND email or phone number of the escort you are using for a reference to your next provider ALONG with the name and contact information and the date you last saw your reference. This ensures your next potential provider has all of the information she needs to contact the lady you are saying will give you a reference.
#4. Don't provide a reference from someone you have seen more than a year ago, unless you have cleared it with her and she remembers you.
The Following Responses Are Not How To Handle Responding to a Reference Request
- "I seen Jane once"
- "Um I saw Stacey Rose like 2 years ago I think"
- "I saw Rachel at the airport last month"
- "I used to see Raven Black from time to time but don't remember what phone number I gave her"
- "I've seen Geri downtown but I booked under a different name"
And yes I have received responses exactly as above, but with different provider names... :/
Far too often potential clients are making the booking process and reference checks more difficult than they need to because of lack of information, or sheer laziness. It's very difficult to get a reference from another escort if the client doesn't give you the proper contact information, same name he used to book them, can't remember when he saw her, or just gives you a first name of a lady with no other information and you have to guess who she is.
I feel that part of the problem is that so many are busy at work and/or replying from their phone and are not apt to write a few proper sentences with enough details, but there's no need to make booking more complicated than necessary.
If a client makes doing a reference check SO difficult for the new lady he wants to see, often times he's going to frustrate not only her, but also put off the lady he is using as a reference. This is an all around losing situation. The new provider is upset about wasting time, the previous provider is confused and offended she wasn't asked to give a reference and can't remember him from the vague details, and then the client can't see the new provider at all now and then doesn't want to see the previous provider who admitted she can't remember him. This is so unnecessary and easily avoided.
It's also frankly embarrassing to contact another provider, especially one we don't know and say something along the lines of: "Hey Gina, it's Charlotte. I'm looking for a reference for a Mike with no last name, cell phone number is 555 3415 he said he saw you once at the airport last year. I don't suppose you remember him at all?" and IF she bothers to respond it usually goes like "Hey Charlotte, sorry I don't have a record of anyone with that phone number" and then the reference doesn't pan out. Many times a lady we do not know will not even respond to our reference request unless you are someone she sees regularly and knows, because it's a waste of her time to check her phone or email for someone with a very common name that she doesn't know when she saw.
So I'm going to put it out there, PLEASE PLEASE do not send out vague or quickly thrown together messages to escorts expecting to book and then make it impossible to confirm a reference by omitting all the necessary details to retrieve it.
When I receive an inquiry from someone who refuses to give any real personal information AND cannot provide a proper reference, I just have to decline the booking. Just as you are taking a risk in your mind by seeing us, so are we and if we don't know you from anyone we need a little assurance that making an appointment with you will result in a positive experience.
If you have previously contacted me and been unable to provide the information I requested to check your reference, I hope you can appreciate where I am coming from. I honestly will not spend hours of time chasing down the information I have asked for over and over again from someone who does not want to bother providing it in a timely fashion. If you really want to see me, please don't take 10 emails back and forth to provide your information and all of your reference details or I will give up and move on. First impressions are important and I'm not interested in catering to clients who cannot respect my time or my booking process.
A final word: I will HAPPILY provide you with a reference to see one of my friends or colleagues provided you are a regular and I know you, or you can ask me beforehand and jog my memory. References are a two way street, and I know that clients can need them as much as us to be able to see the providers they really want to see. :)